“Our culture has accepted two huge lies. The first is that if you disagree with someone’s lifestyle, you must fear or hate them. The second is that to love someone means you agree with everything they believe or do. Both are nonsense. You don’t have to compromise convictions to be compassionate.”—Rick Warren (via m-arieee)
“A person of good intelligence and sensitivity cannot exist in this society very long without having some anger about the inequality - and it’s not just a bleeding-heart, knee-jerk, liberal kind of a thing - it is just a normal human reaction to a nonsensical set of values where we have cinnamon flavored dental floss and there are people sleeping in the street.”—George Carlin (via stxxz)
1. Apologizing all the time:Research has shown that women actually do say “sorry” more often than men. We’re all for taking responsibility when you make a mistake -- but constantly apologizing for having your waiter split the check or asking a date to hang out on a different night or telling a friend about your problems, does more harm than good. There’s no need to qualify everything you do. Own your preferences and decisions.
2. Saying “yes” to everyone else:Yes, I will meet you for coffee even though I’m exhausted and just want to go home and crawl into bed. Yes, I will edit your resume even though I’m swamped with my own work. Yes, I will go on a double date with you, your almost-boyfriend and his awful friend who’s in town. Stop saying “yes” when you don’t truly mean it. People actually respect you more when you set boundaries.
3. Saying “no” to yourself:A lot of women spend a whole lot of time deciding what we can’t do or shouldn’t do or aren’t good enough to do. Don’t allow your insecurities and anxieties to make your decisions for you -- you’ll only end up missing out on worthwhile experiences. So go talk to that group of people you think you won’t fit in with, stay out late against your better judgment every once in awhile and treat yourself to that blowout even if you don’t really need it.
4. Viewing food as the enemy:Women often receive the message that our ultimate worth lies in our looks. Our hair should be smoothed or perfectly curled, our makeup on at all times -- but natural-looking -- and our bodies bangin’ (read: thin). In the quest to achieve these impossible standards, it’s easy to see food as something to contend with rather than to enjoy. Be cognizant of what you put in your body -- after all, it’s the only one you have -- but try to do away with the guilt. Savor every bite of that gnocchi with gorgonzola or that Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream or those fresh cherry tomatoes. Food should not come with regrets. As Nora Ephron wrote, “I have made a lot of mistakes falling in love, and regretted most of them, but never the potatoes that went with them.”
5. Feeling like an impostor when you accomplish something professionally:Women are more likely than men to feel like “impostors” at work, often doubting whether we deserve the successes we achieve. Start taking your accomplishments at face value. You got that new job or promotion or grade or public recognition because you were worthy of it.
6. Comparing your real life to someone else’s virtual one:Spending a ton of time obsessing over your own online life can be anxiety-provoking -- but so can obsessing over other peoples’ virtual personas. Research has shown that Facebook addiction is correlated with lower self-esteem. And who wouldn’t feel bad sitting in bed on a Monday night scrolling through your ex’s vacation photo album or the enthusiastic statuses your friend in the fashion industry posted during a celeb-filled party? Instead of playing a constant game of comparison, which studies have shown can actually magnify feelings of depression, just close your laptop and enjoy the present. At least it’s real.
7. Judging other women’s sex lives:No woman deserves to be put down for who she sleeps with, how many people she sleeps with or how she chooses to express her sexuality. Next time you’re about to call another woman a “prude” or a “slut” just zip your lips. Even Miley Cyrus and her twerking shouldn’t be slut-shamed.
8. Judging your own sex life:No one needs to know your “number.” And honestly, you probably care a whole lot more about what the sex you’re having (or not having) supposedly says about you than anyone else does.
9. Fearing the label “crazy”:There is no easier way to discredit a woman’s opinion or feelings than to accuse her of being overly emotional. “I don't think this idea that women are ‘crazy,’ is based in some sort of massive conspiracy,” wrote author Yashar Ali in a blog for The Huffington Post in 2011. “Rather, I believe it's connected to the slow and steady drumbeat of women being undermined and dismissed, on a daily basis.” Being scared of the label only encourages women to silence themselves. Plus, everyone has a little bit of crazy inside of them -- regardless of gender.
10. Being embarrassed about your interests:“I want to be a f**king feminist and wear a f**king Peter Pan collar. So f**king what?,” said Zooey Deschanel in Glamour magazine’s February 2013 issue. Take a cue from the actress and stop caring what you “should” look like/care about/talk about. If you love girly things, love girly things. If you don’t, don’t. Embrace your lack of knowledge about music, your hockey obsession and your weakness for both “Breaking Bad” and “The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.” And if there’s a particular subject area you don’t know about but you encounter someone who does? Take the opportunity to ask questions.
come here and feed me
my little bites,
my pinches’ kisses,
lay yourself down now,
I’m hungry and I haven’t eaten.
I haven’t eaten
and look at you, covered
I’ve always wanted.”—Peregrine (via youreyesblazeout)
Find someone who makes you realize three things: one, that home is not a place, but a feeling. Two, that time is not measured by a clock, but by moments. And three, that heartbeats are not heard, but felt and shared.
“Not all toxic people are cruel and uncaring. Some of them love us dearly. Many of them have good intentions. Most are toxic to our being simply because their needs and way of existing in the world force us to compromise ourselves and our happiness. They aren’t inherently bad people, but they aren’t the right people for us. And as hard as it is, we have to let them go. Life is hard enough without being around people who bring you down, and as much as you care, you can’t destroy yourself for the sake of someone else. You have to make your wellbeing a priority. Whether that means breaking up with someone you care about, loving a family member from a distance, letting go of a friend, or removing yourself from a situation that feels painful — you have every right to leave and create a safer space for yourself.”—
I got this tattoo specifically for all of the people who rolled their eyes at it when I showed them.
I also got it for myself. I’ve had the hardest time figuring out why I give 100% yet, I feel like no one else does. I try so hard to make others happy, no matter what. Many times, Ben has said I put so many people before him, before our family, because if they aren’t happy - I’ll just die. It’s so true. I kill people with kindness haha. I care SO deeply about others and their happiness and their goals, I want them to succeed so bad. (and when they don’t, when they don’t put in the effort. I get so disappointed, and eventually, I can’t handle them anymore and shut them out of my life completely. They failed me.)
This has been one of the best things about myself, and one of the worst. I got this tattoo as a reminder to myself. Giving people too much kindness and caring too much, will inevitably, lead to my downfall. I have to stop worrying about people that just don’t worry about me (thanks for the quote, pinterest) I need to find my acceptance through myself and not others. Seeing someone smile from something I did should NOT be the only thing that makes me feel good. I should make myself feel good.
Ironically, I took this personality test yesterday that confirms that this is just a part of my personality. I have no idea how I can change this about myself and a huge part of me doesn’t want to. I love that I love everything. I love that just waking up makes me happy (why shouldn’t it?! people take life for granted, man) but the hardest part is, this causes me to ruin most of my friendships - and I love friends. I love people, I want to be everyone’s friend, I think everyone has greatness in them. I am social as fuck. I want to be surrounded by happy, fun people. I love seeing people laugh and have a good time. One of the results for the test was saying something about “not being able to keep long-term friends due to them disappointing you, or you not being able to fix all of their problems, because eventually you get too tired of them” and it’s so true. I love meeting new people, finding out their dreams, wanting to build them up, but when they don’t do anything, and just complain, complain, complain, mope, ugh I have to cut them out.
I have so much to give, and I feel like I’ll never be able to maintain normal friendships. I’ve gotten away with this because we move every year, and have for the past four years. But soon, we’ll be moving to one.place. and I’ll have to try to maintain and WANT to maintain these friendships for the rest of my life. HOW in the hell am I going to be able to do that? I have to find some kind of balance to my kindness.
(i know this picture does zero justice for my tattoo. i didn’t realize how wonky it looked until now, but bending my arm backwards makes all of the letters look like major shit. it does not look like this in person when my arm is normal, so just know that. because right now, that looks weird and jacked up.)
“Be the one who nurtures and builds. Be the one who has an understanding and a forgiving heart one who looks for the best in people. Leave people better than you found them.”—Marvin J. Ashton (via quotes-shape-us)
I think the day of blogging about your life is slowly coming to an end.
I feel like more and more people are starting to enjoy the secrecy of living their life without taking a picture or documenting it - even if its “photo worthy”
There’s something was special about spending time with your family, or just purely living and only you knowing your adventures.
Why I was a shithead in High School and how I'm not anymore.
I was having a conversation with a couple of new lady friends recently and we got onto the subject of High School. We were all giving our “how we met our husband” story and that’s where mine started - which then led into who we were back then.
After telling them that Ben and I were in completely different social circles yet still managed to meet each other and fall in love, they asked me “Well, what were you like in High School?”
To which I answered “A little shit!” haha but honestly, I was. I was horrible! A total brat, but five times worse. After having two kids and moving around as much as I have, High School does seem like a faint memory to me because I have had so many other things to remember but from what I do remember, I just laugh of how absolutely ridiculous I was.
I had moved from Georgia my second semester of freshman year, I didn’t have a single friend for a long time and from what I could tell, everyone didn’t like me just as much as I didn’t like them. So, I got angry, just like most teen’s did at that time, but I’m pretty sure I took it to another level. Being a bitch was my defense system, but as much as I tried being “tough” and “cool”, I’m pretty sure I was just annoying.
ANYWAYS though, they then asked me “Well, why aren’t you like that now!? You seem like a completely different person than the one you’re telling us about”
And I am, and as silly as it sounds - I owe it all to Ben. (but in a good way, not in a ‘he-changed-me’ way)
When I met Ben, he was the most positive person I’ve ever met in my entire life. I don’t think, to this day, I’ve ever seen him really stress out about anything. I can count the number of times he’s complained on my hands. It’s ridiculous, we could be stuck on the side of the road (and we have) and he’ll think of a thousand positives to my hundreds of negatives.
So in the beginning of our relationship, when I’d do my usual complaining about EVERYTHING and EVERYONE - he’d only reply “Well if you don’t like it, change it. Simple as that” and nothing else. He’d never give in to my crap. He’d never tell me it was okay for me to bitch and do nothing about it. He never fell for my excuses.
After a lot of fighting, because I, of course, didn’t want to believe he was actually right. “Change me?! Change the negatives about myself?! No way! People should deal with me!” and he’d just laugh and laugh.
And eventually, I started to laugh too. I started to realize that there is no reason why I couldn’t change every negative thing I hated about myself. If I wanted to be happy, I would make myself happy. If I wanted to be good person, all I had to do was try. There was no more excuses, or whining or bitching.
Everytime I had a failed friendship, my first question was and still is “what could I have done differently?” and then, “Well maybe there was something we BOTH could’ve done” But I will never blame someone else 100% ever again, USUALLY there is SOMETHING I could’ve done better, and if not - well then they were just a yucky person to begin with.
But now, again after having two kids, there is no more time to play “pity me.” It’s all about making changes, being the best person/parent/wife I can be. Every year I can hardly recognize myself from the one before, but I’m loving the person I see in the mirror more and more each day.
LONG story short, they asked me one last question before we changed the subject - “Are you friends with anyone from High School?”
And I’m really not, which does make me kind of sad. BUT, I wouldn’t have been my friend in High School either! So I totally get why I don’t have those people in my life. I do hope that one day, I’ll be able to mend those failed friendships and people can see and realize that most people do change constantly. The people that I have stayed in contact with, are completely different people than when we first met and all of them agree that I’ve changed tenfold, and they have as well!
As pointless as this post is, I really wanted to get it off my chest. I do know that a lot of people don’t strive for change and they love who they are, flaws and all and that is great! (runonsentence) but that’s just not my personality. I wonder if other people are in the same spot in their life as I am, and think back to their high school/college experience and if their as different now as I am, too.