I was having a conversation with a couple of new lady friends recently and we got onto the subject of High School. We were all giving our “how we met our husband” story and that’s where mine started - which then led into who we were back then.
After telling them that Ben and I were in completely different social circles yet still managed to meet each other and fall in love, they asked me “Well, what were you like in High School?”
To which I answered “A little shit!” haha but honestly, I was. I was horrible! A total brat, but five times worse. After having two kids and moving around as much as I have, High School does seem like a faint memory to me because I have had so many other things to remember but from what I do remember, I just laugh of how absolutely ridiculous I was.
I had moved from Georgia my second semester of freshman year, I didn’t have a single friend for a long time and from what I could tell, everyone didn’t like me just as much as I didn’t like them. So, I got angry, just like most teen’s did at that time, but I’m pretty sure I took it to another level. Being a bitch was my defense system, but as much as I tried being “tough” and “cool”, I’m pretty sure I was just annoying.
ANYWAYS though, they then asked me “Well, why aren’t you like that now!? You seem like a completely different person than the one you’re telling us about”
And I am, and as silly as it sounds - I owe it all to Ben. (but in a good way, not in a ‘he-changed-me’ way)
When I met Ben, he was the most positive person I’ve ever met in my entire life. I don’t think, to this day, I’ve ever seen him really stress out about anything. I can count the number of times he’s complained on my hands. It’s ridiculous, we could be stuck on the side of the road (and we have) and he’ll think of a thousand positives to my hundreds of negatives.
So in the beginning of our relationship, when I’d do my usual complaining about EVERYTHING and EVERYONE - he’d only reply “Well if you don’t like it, change it. Simple as that” and nothing else. He’d never give in to my crap. He’d never tell me it was okay for me to bitch and do nothing about it. He never fell for my excuses.
After a lot of fighting, because I, of course, didn’t want to believe he was actually right. “Change me?! Change the negatives about myself?! No way! People should deal with me!” and he’d just laugh and laugh.
And eventually, I started to laugh too. I started to realize that there is no reason why I couldn’t change every negative thing I hated about myself. If I wanted to be happy, I would make myself happy. If I wanted to be good person, all I had to do was try. There was no more excuses, or whining or bitching.
Everytime I had a failed friendship, my first question was and still is “what could I have done differently?” and then, “Well maybe there was something we BOTH could’ve done” But I will never blame someone else 100% ever again, USUALLY there is SOMETHING I could’ve done better, and if not - well then they were just a yucky person to begin with.
But now, again after having two kids, there is no more time to play “pity me.” It’s all about making changes, being the best person/parent/wife I can be. Every year I can hardly recognize myself from the one before, but I’m loving the person I see in the mirror more and more each day.
LONG story short, they asked me one last question before we changed the subject - “Are you friends with anyone from High School?”
And I’m really not, which does make me kind of sad. BUT, I wouldn’t have been my friend in High School either! So I totally get why I don’t have those people in my life. I do hope that one day, I’ll be able to mend those failed friendships and people can see and realize that most people do change constantly. The people that I have stayed in contact with, are completely different people than when we first met and all of them agree that I’ve changed tenfold, and they have as well!
As pointless as this post is, I really wanted to get it off my chest. I do know that a lot of people don’t strive for change and they love who they are, flaws and all and that is great! (runonsentence) but that’s just not my personality. I wonder if other people are in the same spot in their life as I am, and think back to their high school/college experience and if their as different now as I am, too.
WELL LOOK WHAT’S MAKIN MY DAY.
Two posts in one day! I never thought it would happen, but I’ve found the trick for Rosie’s super sleep knockout potion, so I thought I’d put in some work in on the ole’ blog!
Thinking about: How much Easter snuck up on me this year! :( As sad as it is, I’m so behind on the girls baskets! I’ll be running out once Ben gets home to get last minute treats!
Reading: Bébé Day by Day ! It’s all about the idea of French parenting and how amazing it supposedly is. I’m curious to see the differences between my parenting styles and the French. I just started it yesterday but I’m already loving it,I can tell it’s going to be a fast read.
Listening to: Mozart believe it or not! I’ve found the cure to Rosalie’s grumpiness! She’s been having some attitude the last couple of days and I randomly saw ’ two hours of Mozart for babies’ on youtube and I thought to myself ‘How in the world is Mozart going to calm babies down? That’s ridiculous” but low and behold, Rosie is going on a 4 hour nap now and is sawing logs!
Watching: Still going strong on Lost, and I’m probably the only one but I absolutely love Whitney, it’s one of my favorite shows and has me in stitches the entire time. Aaaaand if you don’t think Chis D’elia is gorgeous, you’re insane.
Thankful for: Being able to celebrate Easter with Ben, I didn’t think he’d be able to be home for this holiday and it’s so nice having him around during these times.Also! Not being sick anymore! I’m pretty much allergic to Germany, I’ve never had allergies once in my life and here, I can hardly stand I’m sneezing so much but I’ve been taking spoonfuls of raw honey and I’m finally starting to feel better, whew!
If there’s one thing you need to know about me, about who I am, it’s my love for sweets. I’m so infatuated with all things butter filled, it’s not even funny. Ben thinks I have a serious problem. I don’t think needing a couple pieces of chocolate to get through the day is an addiction,but whatever.
Buuuut because of how we eat, and how much Ben strides for us to be a healthy family with zero sugars in the home (is he joking?!)I try my hardest to “healthify” my desserts.
To be honest, it’s really hard. Usually anything I bake from a health food blog,tastes like crap. Bland, hard, disgusting!Soooo, instead I’ve been taking regular recipes and just switching up ingredients! and I found the most amazing,chewy chocolately cookie in the entire world.
Now, chances are you’re never going to make these because you probably won’t ever have all of the ingredients on hand. I know I never do,but being over in Germany, I stock up on all the grain-free flours I can find, and even though their random,I might need them one day. BUT! if you happen to be switching to a grain-free diet, or want to have an actually amazing chocolate chip cookie without having to worry, then by all means - give these a shot! you won’t be disappointed.
What you’ll need
1.Combine flour, baking soda & salt.
2.Beat butter, sugar, and vanilla. Add eggs one at a time. Then add flour slowly, and of course the chocolate chips!
I use baking paper, but I’m sure you could just butter your cookie sheet or use wax, use a cookie dough scooper and bake at 350 for 8-10 minutes. I like mine under-baked and then let them cool so they’re extra chewy but I’m sure if you’ve baked cookies before, you know how long you like them in the oven and whatnot!
Thinking about: How excited I am for Ben to be home in two days! He’s been on this field mission for work for only eight days but they’ve sure felt like the longest eight days ever! We haven’t spent much time apart here in Germany due to the one car, aaaand the fact that under no circumstances will I drive in this crazy place! So, we’re missing each other a lot for sure :)
Reading: I’m currently reading two books, one old and new. I’m re-reading The Perks of Being a Wallflower before I watch the movie, aaand Radical, - which is pretty intense, so I go back and forth a lot between these two.
Listening to: I’m in love with Tegan and Sara’s new album! Ever since I can remember, each of their albums has defined my life, like whatever is going on, I can always relate to these songs 100%. They’re also coming to Berlin in June and I’m hoping that there’s a chance I can go see the play again!
Watching: Lost!!! I am so obsessed! After being way behind the curve, I finally decided to jump in and see what the hype was about (for so many years) and I totally get it. I’m already so intrigued and cannot wait to find out what’s happening next! Also! Sensing a little love connection between Kate and Jack? but I’m seeing something with Sawyer and her as well, I’m curious to see what happens there!
Thankful for: So many things! The sun finally showed it’s face a couple days ago from being away for over a month! It was officially the darkest winter in all of Germany’s history, and it has definitely effected my mood :( but thankfully, Spring is here and I’m looking forward to it so much! (and of course, I’m thankful for my family, friends and all of you!)
This little cutie turned two months last week! I know all new moms say this but seriously, where has the time gone! It felt like just last week I was still pregnant, waiting for her arrival!
To be honest, it has been a whirlwind, these past eight weeks. They haven’t been easy on Ben and I, but looking back on them now, I just smile and laugh.
Scarlett ended up getting a nasty sickness right around the time I came home from the hospital,so poor Ben had to take care of not only Rosalie and myself, but sicky Scar as well. It was NOT fun, our first couple of days as parents of two little girls and all hell breaks loose! Haha, but thankfully Scarlett recovered and everything finally fell into motion.
The biggest surprise from all of this, having two kids - is how insanely different Rosalie is compared to Scarlett. She hardly cried the first week of her life, like at all. It was mostly squeaks that came out of her, It was something so foreign to me, I almost called the doctor to make sure she was alright! She also slept so much better than Scarlett ever did. Instantly she knew when ‘night’ was and slept more then than throughout the day.(thank the lord!)
Also, her temperament is so unlike the high maintenance one of her sister. She is calm, she loves to just observe. She’ll sit and watch us for hours with her eyebrows all squished up, (probably thinking ‘why’d i get stuck with this crazy family?!’ hah) but I love it so much.
I love how I get to experience two completely different children, even though they look very very similar.I am so excited to see who she’s going to be, how she’s going to act,is she going to stay this calm,collected child? or will she turn into a diva like Scar? Ah, only time will tell!
But for now, I’ll enjoy this chill little babe and be thankful for the sleep! ;)
After a year long hiatus, I can finally say that I’m happy to see the blog world again!
The last time I posted something on here, I was living in the Panhandle of Florida waiting to figure out where the Army was going to take us next, NOT pregnant, and finishing up my schooling to become a Medical Administrative assistant - Now, I’m living near Ramstein Air Force Base - Germany, a mother to TWO little ones, and finished that part of schooling, and onto my next venture (Coding & Billing, woo hoo!)
I’ll be documenting my time here in Germany, my family life, our eats, my progress with getting back into shape! and whatever else i fancy!
I can’t wait to get back into writing! Please don’t be too hard on me in the beginning, it’s been a while since I’ve sat down and put thoughts on to paper/ a computer and I’m sure it’ll be all over the place for a little while! I also can’t wait to get caught up on what my online friends are up to!
Rosalie Veda’s Birth Story.
(Preface: I know most family and close friends know this but I had planned to give birth at a German Hospital (also known as a “Birthing Center” in the states. There are a team of midwives who handle all births, etc. They only practice homeopathic medicine, and treatments. Just like in any birthing center,they have an “emergency area” in case things go wrong.)
On Sunday morning, I woke up to having some pretty strong contractions. They weren’t very consistent, but I knew they were the real deal so I made up a big breakfast, and power-cleaned the house. Since I was ten days past my due date, I didn’t know how soon she would come once (if*) my water broke, so I figured why not head to the BC and just check on my progress. We did, and turns out - contractions stopped almost imminently! So I went back home and kept walking up and down my stairs and around the house.
Around 11, they were getting stronger and stronger, but of course I wanted to hold off as long as possible. Finally, Ben said “nope! stop, put the broom down, we are going now!” As we were driving there,listening to Anberlin (the same band we listened to on our way to have Scarlett) I felt at such ease. I knew my baby girl was finally coming today, and I seriously could not wait!
My midwife put me on the fetal heart monitor to see how close my contractions were and checked me. Contractions were getting closer, but of course not where they’d like them to be for me to be put in the tub (I was having a water birth) so! she told me I could either stay there, do some acupuncture or go back home a0nd walk around. I figured I’d go back home - While I got off the bed to put my shoes back on, I felt a pop! and my water broke!!! (My water never broke with Scarlett) So I started freaking out! Instantly, my whole body started to shake, I knew she was coming soon!
My midwife told me to get back on the bed so she could finally check my dilation (they don’t check often here because of the risk of infection) and to get the baby’s heartbeat. It was insanely strong all throughout my contractions, not less than maybe 2 minutes before - but when she checked for a heartbeat this time, there was nothing. (If you have ever heard any german conversation, it almost always sounds like it’s in anger. I don’t know why, but even their ‘i love you’s’ terrify me sometimes but hearing them actually yell, it is downright bone-chilling. She started screaming for help, “faster faster now now!!!” in german, and the second I saw the look on her face, I knew something horrible was going on. She turned white and shoved her fingers inside of me pushing up. I didn’t know what she was doing and I was trying to get her to explain to me, but I could tell she was in total focus.
Finally, she tells me that the baby’s head dropped into her umbilical cord, strangling her. She was trying to move it manually behind her so she could slide down my birth canal without cutting off her oxygen. She continues to tell me that she’s trying her best to move it but it doesn’t seem like it’s working. I ask her what can we do? and she just shakes her head, looks down and says “we need to get you in that emergency room right now” I literally screamed NO! Ben had to hold me down at this point, I was convulsing, crying so hard - I had no idea if my daughter was even alive at this point and they also told me they’d have to put me fully under because they didn’t have time to “prep” for anything, every single second was important at this point.
My midwife had tears in her eyes, her hand was cramping from being inside of me, trying to push Rosalie’s head up and she desperately didn’t want this for me. The head midwife rushed in at this point and wanted to try and get the umbilical cord away from her head so they switched places really quickly and she tried as well. Nothing was working, and from that point, they needed to get me in that room as soon as possible. All I can remember from this point is that I told them to give the baby to Ben, right away. I wouldn’t be able to hear her first cry or see her for who knows how long, and he couldn’t be in the ER with me because of Scarlett. So the two of them waited in a separate bedroom while I was in surgery. He told me that they did listen to my wishes and gave him Rose the second she was out of me. I’m so thankful for this.
I woke up in a white room, all alone. I was still feeling really groggy from the anesthesia, but I yelled for someone and they came and brought me to Ben, Scarlett and Rosalie right away. The weird thing is, nothing felt any different. My bond, my love, my infatuation, that was still all there, if not - even more so than with Scarlett (I had a normal birthing experience, but didn’t feel the bond with her right away) I’ve read so many negative things about c-sections and how they affect you as a “mother” and the bonding experience and I honestly think all of that is load of crap.
A birth is a birth. That’s it, whether it be natural or not. It doesn’t make the kind of mother you are, you are the type of mother you are. I came out of that hospital a completely different person, totally changed on the whole idea of what’s right or wrong in the labor/birthing experience. I’ve advocated natural/home births for as long as I can remember, I’ve turned so many of my friends (some who even now want to become midwives) onto The Business of Being Born, but you know what? If I had a homebirth, my daughter would’ve died. I talked to the midwives for hours afterwards and they 100% agreed. They were all so upset of course that we had to result in a c-section, but I firmly believe they had my best interest at heart. We bonded for months at my appointments and they knew me, if there was ANYTHING they could have done differently, they would have. I don’t feel this way about obstetricians though, but that’s a whole different topic for a different time.
Because of the rush with my surgery, they didn’t have time to sterilize anything, and I ended up developing a serious blood infection. That was also terrifying, but thankfully within a couple of days, it left my system.
I don’t want to sound all cliche, but life truly is a miracle. I have such a different perspective about so many things and have learned so much about myself from this experience.Motherhood definitely changed me with Scarlett, but I almost don’t even recognize this person I am yet with Rosalie. This patience, acceptance, love - it’s all so different. Having two children, loving two people more than you even thought was possible is an amazing gift. I am so blessed that I get to have this, I get to have these girls in my life every single day. I don’t know what I did to deserve such love and happiness, but I am overwhelmingly thankful for it.